说最真的话,说给自己听

deadline

拖延症的毛病又犯了。明明知道deadline迫在眉睫，知道做不完会心理压力更大，可就是恍惚的走神了，忘掉正事儿···然后又开始恶性循环。这是从高中就开始的毛病，其实跟完美主义倾向没多大关系，就是逃避压力，能暂时性的逃避都好···

用马甲登陆校内，已经想不出有谁的好偷窥了···不知该为这样的情况拍手叫好，庆祝自己心理健康呢还是为生活的无趣默哀一下。

一边奋发向上一边留意生活的美。这不仅要智商高情商也得高吧。所以我只能选其一。

饭否小半年了还没有恢复，我也不知道我怎么熬过来的。工作啊工作，以前的室友88年的就得了腰肌劳损，咱们这一代能不能熬到三十岁都是个问题。与其这样暗无天日的活着，不如跟着党走。可是世界本无公平可言，所以，自己知道该怎么做就好。

问题是。我啥都不知道。我倒是宁愿土星在回来处女座，别让我清醒的好。

keep walking, sleeping first

These days, i gradually remember what kind of person i was before. I was excellent, i used to be NO.1 in math subject in my class, i used to be No.3 in the grade among 500 students, i solved the hardest physics problem in Olympic competition. I was pretty good, even in college entrance examination, when my family suddenly collapsed, i could do well. In college, i was top. in listening class, i introduced myself to the whole class. in english competition, i did good job. When preparing BEC-H test, i worked hard, and found i was really good even compared to those top students in other schools. i know i took a long break when i fell in love at the first time, i know i was not tat aggressive not that motivated as before due to ex's influenced or sthelse. But his lifestyle n words made me clear about myself, about life, about love. It is meaningless to discuss whether or not he was the right choice for me at tat time, but i guess there always be a reason that god made everything happened. Even if i made the wrong choice, but who the hell could be all right in her whole life?! 

So, i was shocked when i became a member of the society. Tat was when i gradually lose my confidence. Things are not easy as i thought, neither as easy as in school. One year, shenyang,nanjing, nanchang, shenzhen, guangzhou, i moved around, for studying and working. Now i found my flexibility, i could adapt to every new environment quickly, i would miss them when i was in other cities. But i still cant have the sense of belonging. I cant find it in xinyu, neither.(But now i feel sth.) I could only keep walking.

I know more about the society now. How it works, the rules. Today when i was in mark's home, standing under the sun, i felt the real happyness for me is having the sunshine. Ho, but most of the time, i dun have the mood, i dun enjoy doing this. I felt pity for myself, n for those who likes me. The real value for human beings, in another word, for me, is slow down and enjoy every single beauty in life, bring pleasure to others. The fair, the truth, is also important for me, but what i could do now is to made people who is standing by me happy. 

Time to sleep. To be continued....

P.S. Today i got a classical sentence from Terry, one of my students who r already in LOS now. I got the courage from her n realized sth.
Here is the words:
"还有很多东西我是不知道会在什么时候突然出现，把自己原本以为很顺理成章的计划和梦想突然打破~不过，懂得面对那个“突然”，也是一个很重要的能力吧……"

生活

时隔多年，终于又有人说我长的像贾静雯了···哦也~

欲望很深，一切顺其自然吧。实实在在的生活才是正经事儿~

噼里啪啦

我们是个屁，人生就是苦情戏。

[本日志已设置加密]